Fragile Mirror
by Kitria40
Summary: In order to give everyone he cares about heaven, Roy is forced to relive his own hell. But can he get over his guilt over past mistakes to find a happy ending?
1. At the Gate

My first fanfiction, so please be easy on me, though I do appreciate criticism :3 Not a one-shot, it will update.

Spoilers for... a lot. Just finish the show. Takes place in the Brotherhood timeline.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, and I'm glad, because I couldn't beat what an amazing job Arakawa-san did with it :3

* * *

><p><em>You poor, pathetic fool. <em>

The stocky figure of the Freezing Alchemist, Isaac McDougal, stood against the towering wave of ice behind him, his eyes angry and determined.

He knew. He was the most adept of the assembly that was sent to Ishval. He had found out the problem with the military even before Hughes did.

There was no stopping now, though. It had to be done.

Colonel Roy Mustang's thoughts were interrupted by the jet of high-pressure water across his face as McDougal destroyed the pipe that ran on top of the roof and jumped down the side of the building.

_Forgot about that._

"Everyone, search for him!" he ordered the soldiers behind him. "Don't let him reach the Command Center!"

The soldiers ran off in pursuit of McDougal. Roy stood there for a second, irritated, his soaked hair dripping into his face, and started to carefully make his way down the fire escape.

-x-x-

_"You go through hell and come out through heaven. It's equivalent exchange."_

_Roy stared at the immense gate that towered over him. A hazy body sat in front of it. The Truth._

_So this was what the Elric brothers had seen. Beyond the Gate... the laws that made up existence. Worlds, beings, and lore... all of the knowledge of the universe was held inside. And after they had beheld the wisdom inside, the boys had to pay, by losing parts of themselves._

_Roy braced himself for the worst, glaring at the white figure in front of him. The Truth stood up, and, despite having no apparent eyes, Roy felt as though it was staring at him eagerly._

_"This will bring you a happy ending."_

_The body in front of him didn't have a mouth either, but it was speaking, and with Roy's own voice._

_"All of the guilt and regret will be changed to joy and peace."_

_Suddenly, a mouth did appear, and broke into an inhuman and frightening grin._

_"You don't understand, do you? Even when you get out of here and start leading the country, attending your wedding, holding your kids, everything that should make you happy, you'll still wonder, 'what could have been?', won't you? You'll keep blaming yourself for the things you did in the past-"_

_"Let me out of here."_

_Roy glared at the humanoid before him. He thought back to the struggle going on outside of the Gate. He had to check on the status of the coup happening above ground, he had to get Riza to the hospital- the blood loss from her slashed neck put her in even more danger than the rest of them- and he had to make sure the Elric brothers didn't get killed._

_The Truth laughed, as though sensing his tense thoughts. "Don't worry, everyone will be alright. You could stay in here until your hair grows to your shoulders and everybody would still be safe. Now..."_

_The smile grew impossibly wider._

_"You've opened the Gate, and there's a price for that. You're the sort of man who looks forward to a bright and happy future to escape from the past. So, I believe the best price for you to pay is to relive the past."_

_"You're going to reverse time? Is that even possible?" Roy asked._

_"No, I'm going to put you in another world, the same as this one, but fake. A replica, basically. If you want to leave that realm, and come back to this happy reality, you'll have to create the experience again."_

_"You expect me to recreate what I can't even remember?"_

_"I don't expect you to be capable of doing that." The infuriating grin was still creeping up._

_"And what are you trying to get out of this?"_

_"It's simple: equivalent exchange. You must pay the price for seeing inside the Gate. And besides..." that goddamn smile, not showing any sign of relenting, "I want to see if that's possible for someone like you."_

_That's it? Roy thought as he looked at the blank body in front of him. As displeasing the thought of reliving his petty missions and paperwork sounded, he knew it couldn't be as simple as it seemed. He tried his best to mentally peer into the intentions of the figure before him. In the back of his mind, Roy was already forming his own ideas about the true meaning of the 'price' that was offered, but at the moment, he was only concerned about the fight going on outside. And, with the intention of rejoining the battle, he looked straight at the Truth and smirked. _

_"Send me off, then. I have no problem feeling a little pain if it means creating a world of happiness."_

_The Truth stood up at this and gestured towards the gate. The doors swung open, the mass of shadows inside swirling quickly, as though anticipatory._

_"Then I wish you good luck, Roy."_

_And that was the last thing the Flame Alchemist heard before being clutched by the shadows and dragged back into the gate again._

-x-x-

The extremely loud voice of the Strong-Arm Alchemist broke through Roy's deep thoughts. The sound of rifles being fired, the red glow of McDougal's activating transmutation circles, frantic soldiers calling out orders... they were all part of the debt he had to pay.

He gripped the railings of the fire escape and tried to get himself to the ground without slipping on the wet soles of his boots. He had to confront the Freezing Alchemist and let him escape to where his old war comrade would be killed by the Führer, and Central would return to normal, at least for a time. These sorts of things were easy enough to reenact, the usual missions that his command was ordered to do. But there had been far worse things to act oblivious to, and he had to prepare for what was yet to come.

* * *

><p>Like I said, criticism is well appreciated. Please tell me what I'm doing wrong :3<p> 


	2. You Can't Save Everyone

There's nothing quite like publishing your first fanfic, sitting back, sighing with relief, then noticing that you didn't name your first chapter.

Oh, and thanks for the review, **ForTheGloryOfSparta. **:3

Criticism is very, very much appreciated.

* * *

><p>Golden eyes, full of determination. The oddly metallic voice of a young boy, filled with gratitude. The Elric brothers sat in front of Colonel Roy Mustang's desk, full of excitement at the thoughts of getting their bodies back.<p>

Shou Tucker, the Sewing-Life Alchemist. A man who worked and studied hard, always proving himself with his chimeras to be an excellent alchemist. His status as a husband and father? Sadly, what these two boys were going to find out.

The lessons of life were often learned in cruel and sadistic ways. A young boy may learn to be careful around machinery by losing his arm. A girl might learn not to trust strangers by getting kidnapped by them. And two kids may learn that they can't help everyone by watching someone start the path to death right in front of them.

These boys were no strangers to pain or death, but they had only experienced it in their own little worlds. Tomorrow would mark the day where the brothers would realize that the things outside of their world weren't so good, either.

But, Roy reflected, these things had to be learned…

-x-x-

_Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang, aspiring Führer_, _man of flames, was starting to be known throughout the military not only for hi s impressive fire, but also for his calm and steady approach to anything standing in his way. That was why it was so unnerving for Maes Hughes to walk in on his friend shaking, phone in his hand, face twisted as though he'd start crying at any moment._

"_H-hey, Roy… you alright?"_

_At Maes' nervous question, Roy seemed to realize what he was doing and gently, albeit shakily, laid the phone back down. He put the small slip of paper in front of him back into his desk, and then leaned back in his chair, hand over his face._

_A few silent moments passed, and Maes debated whether to leave him alone to sort out his feelings, or try to cheer his best friend up. He was just about to pull a picture of his girlfriend out when a few hoarse laughs came from his friend._

"_I'm fine… I'm fine. Just nervous about going to Ishval."_

_Roy, Maes, and other military personnel were getting shipped to Ishval in a couple of days. It was a cause of concern for some, a reason of excitement for others. Maes had been filled with a mixture of both, and he expected that his friend would simply keep a calm, yet determined attitude about it. He hadn't expected Roy to suddenly act like those 'cold-feet' officers, the ones who tried to beg and charm their way out of the conflicts._

"_Who were you calling?" Maes asked, trying his best to sound cheerful and social to his friend._

"…_A relative. My aunt, actually." Roy smiled bitterly. "In case I don't come back."_

_Maes nodded. He stayed silent for a moment, then, realizing that Roy didn't seem to be in the mood for speaking, left the room, finding another poor victim for his seemingly endless batch of photos. After finishing his work, he walked back home and sat at the table, exhausted. A few moments passed and, with shaking hands, he decided to call Gracia._

-x-x-

_Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang sighed with relief as his friend, Maes Hughes, left without even a single word of praise for his girlfriend. As ashamed as he was to admit it, Maes being around was like being in hell. Every time he spoke, Roy could only hear the long, lost words of a dead man._

_He was certainly grateful that Maes hadn't done what he'd usually do, that being giving in to his curiosity. He could easily have taken up the slip of paper, not really caring about what was written on it, but he'd still get confused by the name "Riza Hawkeye" printed quite clearly next to the phone number._

_Roy sighed, got up, and walked to the men's bathroom, where he splashed water on his face for a few seconds. Looking up into the mirror above the sink, he could see why Maes sounded so oddly nervous. His eyes were unusually red. He smiled weakly._

_He was really lucky to be such a fool. At this point in time, Riza wouldn't be at her home, she would still be in the academy. He had, without even thinking, dialed her number, hoping, just _hoping_, that he could spare her all the pain with three simple words: _Don't follow me.

_But, of course, there was no answer from the empty house. He had panicked, the world in front of his eyes had started to blur. Then, Maes had shown up and broken his delirious reasoning._

_But still, if he had told her…_

_He dried his face with a towel, and started to walk back to his office._

_The same. No matter what, everything had to be the same. He had to carry this guilt, if only to find a happy ending._

-x-x-

"_WE'RE ONLY HUMAN_!"

The broken cry of the Fullmetal Alchemist echoed through the dismal air. Suddenly, the rain was much too quiet and much too loud at the same time.

Roy Mustang simply walked past him, secretly sympathizing with the young boy. But when Riza glanced back at him with concern, he smiled at her assuredly. It was an important lesson for those brothers to learn, no matter how cruel it was to be taught. It wasn't possible to save everyone.


	3. Helpless

Alright, so. The two people reading this have been waiting a while for this chapter, and it's half as long as the last two. I am so sorry, guys.

The truth is, I didn't plan this very well. I had the beginning all great in my mind, but I didn't plan the middle or the end. Thus, I was wondering as to whether or not I'll continue this fic and try to make it as complete as I can, or leave it as a dead fic, something of the past that I can conveniently forget about. And so, I thought: Well, screw that! I've spent all of my life trying things and then leaving them be, simply because I think I'm bad at it. But practice makes perfect, and damn it, I'm not going to leave something else unfinished!

That being said, thank you for your review, and as always, don't be shy to criticize. And I hope you enjoyed the beginning statement, because it's probably written better than the following chapter.

* * *

><p>It was late at night, and Colonel Roy Mustang was the only one left in his office. The rest of his group had already left for the day, starting with Havoc, ending with Hawkeye. He sighed, looking outside the window. Only the haziest of outlines could be discerned in the distance, silhouettes of buildings, of trees, and what appeared to be someone walking along a path.<p>

Roy watched the figure idly as it turned into the entrance to Central Headquarters. A few steps more, and the lamps on the sides of the path illuminated the shadow.

A lady. One with wavy, black hair and a long, dark dress.

Lust.

He stiffened, then turned away from the window. Of course. He had prepared for this day. The day when his comrade, his confidant, his best friend would die; when Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes would be killed. Despite losing quite a bit of sleep, Roy had feigned serenity. He had grinned, slapped backs, and laughed for all it was worth. And all of his command had been their usual selves. Well, all except for one.

Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, despite never talking as much or as loudly as the men in the room, did try to make conversation sometimes, and nobody found it odd or unnerving if she did so. Talking was just a commonplace thing around the office. Despite that, she had barely said anything in the past week. In addition to that, she had been by his side a lot more often, following him most places he went, instead of staying behind to read when he did his mundane tasks. She must have noticed. Somehow, she must have seen through the mask. She always had the talent to sift through whatever bluffs he gave out and find the truth.

Roy continued to finish his paperwork. The room was silent, sans the sound of his pen moving across the paper.

Then, the phone rang.

The pen stopped, and Roy looked over at the phone warily. He knew he had to take the call, but all of himself was adamant about going back to his paperwork. Picking up the ringing beast would be complete finality, the last nail to be hammered in.

But the phone seemed to grow louder and louder, and finally, he answered the call.

"...Yes?"

The voice of a young receptionist answered him. "Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes wants to speak to you, sir."

"Put him on."

"Yes, sir."

The receptionist's voice cut off, and the line switched over. At first, Roy couldn't hear anything, but then, harsh, distant breathing became audible on the other end. Ragged. Dying. Hughes. So close that Roy could hear him; too far for Roy to help him.

A click, and the call ended.

Roy set down the phone with shaking hands. _Well,_ he thought. _That's it. Hughes is dead. Killed. Murdered. Never coming back._

He pushed his paperwork aside. He had to go to where Hughes had died, to where all the squad cars would be gathered around. And hopefully, the next night, he'd finally be able to go to sleep again.


	4. Alleys

__So. I got a _lot_ of games when summer started so I've been busy with that. I can't believe it, I finished two games before I started writing this chapter. I don't know whether that means I'm good at games or bad at writing. Well, why not both?

Well, repeating the whole dang story would be really boring, wouldn't it? I haven't watched Haruhi, but Endless Eight comes into mind... So! I've decided to break the monotony a bit. Hopefully, later chapters will be more dramatic and interesting.

Remember, if you don't review, then I won't know how to fix the story :)

Maybe, one day, an actual mirror will appear in this story xD (Names are the hardest.)

* * *

><p><em>Damn it, I'm going the wrong way.<em>

On most Fridays, Roy would walk along the streets in search of flower vendors. Then, with roses or daisies or daffodils in hand, he would head off to Madame Christmas' bar, pretending to meet his 'date' there who would give him information on the higher-ups in the military. But today, he had forgotten, and set off back home through the alleyways of the city. The buildings in the alley were dark and tightly spaced, but they offered a pleasant solitude that Roy usually sought out after work.

The problem was, he knew everything about the higher-ups already. The importance of learning more about their plans had faded. And as much as he loved his 'sisters', it was just tiring to sit and listen to them ramble on. So he occasionally forgot to do his usual routine and took the more quiet route instead.

And now, he was taking the wrong way yet again. But after his initial annoyance at himself, he started to enjoy the quiet and dark path.

After a few silent moments, he started to hear other noises up ahead, and, out of slight curiosity, decided to check it out. He arrived upon a couple of men- well, not so much men as strong-looking teenagers, chatting it up in another alleyway. One was laughing raucously, while the other was, oddly enough, leaning on what looked like a wooden plank.

_Delinquents, _Roy decided. While he usually regarded those types with distaste, he decided to break the monotony a bit and watch them. As long as they didn't notice him, he'd be fine.

The two boys started walking along, and Roy followed along close behind, driven by both the desire to experience something new and the childish feeling that he was being a spy. Judging from their conversation, they had been out that night just walking around the city. The plank was apparently for protection, though it seemed that the plank didn't have any blood on it, so it probably hadn't been used.

They encountered a woman who was walking along. One of the men, Trey, as evidenced by his partner, started to try smooth-talking her. She gave a few polite smiles before quickly excusing herself and walking away. Trey yelled after her, but didn't take off in pursuit. Roy couldn't help but smirk. He had been in the same situation a few times himself.

A while later, Roy realized that the other guy's name was Rock. An odd name, probably a nickname. Certainly not common around the city. Rock and Trey mostly talked about work, people, and 'those stupid cars the military drive around' (Roy took a bit of offense at the last one.) They talked in the style of men that you'd expect to be hanging around a jail, and Roy was enjoying every minute of it.

"...Sir?"

He hoped the two boys didn't hear his considerably unmanly shriek as he whirled around to face his assistant.

"Ri- Lieutenant! What the _hell _are you doing?"

"Following you. I forgot something at work, actually, but this seems more important."

Roy frowned. "That's invading my privacy, you know."

"And you're not invading their privacy?"

"The chick has a point." Trey was walking towards them, and Rock was scowling at them. Obviously, his shriek had not gone unnoticed. "What were you doing following us, military man?"

"How do you know I'm in the military?"

"'Cause your fancy pocket watch is showing."

Sensing the danger, Roy grabbed the watch and held it up. "Do you know what this pocket watch is for?"

"I thought all you military guys got one."

"No. You see, pocket watches are only given to State Alchemists like myself. Every one of us is given a name related to our alchemy. And do you know what they call me? The _Flame _Alchemist. So I suggest you start backing off or..."

Then, two things happened at once. One, Roy noticed that Rock wasn't there anymore. Two, he heard a slam behind his head. He turned around to see Rock standing behind him, plank held in hands, smirking over an unconscious lieutenant.

_He walked behind us while I was talking?_

In a split second, he watched Rock raise the plank above him, and then it came crashing down over Roy's head.


	5. Hospital

Warning: a short and fillery chapter awaits you. I was thinking of where I wanted to take this story, and I'm pretty sure I've got an idea of what I'd like to do, but I still have to figure out how to implement it. Also, it would be awkward for a sudden skip to that point. So enjoy (or not) and please, PLEASE review. Criticism is VERY much appreciated.

* * *

><p>The first thing that Roy noticed was the pain. Not overwhelming, but certainly noticeable. Bothersome. The next thing was the light, bright enough to pierce through his eyelids, as if inviting him out of his sleep. But he opened his eyes only to find himself blinded by the intense white of the hospital room.<p>

The light having made his headache even worse, he groaned and shut his eyes again, only to hear a gasp beside him.

"Riza?" Sitting up, he looked to the chair by his side, only to see a brunette woman with long, curly hair and bright green eyes looking at him.

"You're alright!" the woman said excitedly.

Roy stared. _Do I have amnesia or something? I don't remember this woman... _"Who are you?"

The brunette gasped again, then smiled. "Oh, right, of course. My name's Jessica Brant. I found you unconscious on my way to work."

"Oh... wait! Did you see a blond woman by me?

"A blond woman?" Jessica frowned, looking concerned. "No, I didn't see her."

Relief and despair flooded Roy at the same time. Either Riza had managed to get away or... He suddenly noticed the white uniform on Jessica. She was a nurse. Well, that explained why she had been going into work so late.

"Nurse Brant, can I use the phone?"

"Yes, of course. I'll have to accompany you though."

"Alright," Roy said as he made to get off of the hospital bed. When he stood up, though, the pain from the headache got even worse and the room started washing over with shadows. He almost collapsed but, thankfully, Jessica caught him.

"Sorry, that probably wasn't a good idea," she said, looking nervous. "Listen, if you want to call in for work, you can just tell us where you-"

"No. This is an emergency. I have to call..."

"Just give me the phone number then, and I'll call for you. Now lay back down, you probably have a concussion."

-x-x-

A few minutes later, Jessica walked back in, looking uneasy. "No answer."

Roy laid back on the bed and groaned. _Shit. She probably _did _get captured by those two. Damn it, what would they want from her? To kill her? Rape her? Hold her for ransom? Damn it, this is all my fault. Where the hell is she? Damn it... This didn't even happen before... _Damn _it..._

Jessica shifted on her feet, uncomfortable, sensing Roy's apparent crisis. "Um... I'll call again if you want..."

"No... you don't have to. It's hopeless... I'm such an idiot... damn it_..._"

He had started mumbling to himself. Despite feeling quite out of place, Jessica walked up to Roy and sat down beside him again.

"Were you attacked?" she asked.

"Yes."

"And this person you wanted me to call, was he or she with you at the time?"

"Yes."

"I see... who is this person, anyway?"

"Riza Hawkeye. Military lieutenant. Personal assistant."

"And your name?"

"Roy Must- wait, you're only asking me this now?"

Jessica smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, it slipped my mind. I did know that you were a state alchemist, though!" she said proudly. "I found your pocket watch. We get injured military officers all the time and- I'm getting off track, aren't I? Well, do you remember who attacked you?"

Roy started to talk, but trailed off at the first sound. "Shit! I know I remember but I can't-"

"Don't worry. It's normal to be a little disoriented after waking up from a head injury. How about you get some rest and I'll contact the police about your friend?"

Feeling faint, Roy watched the nurse walk out of the room. As she went to open the door, he suddenly remembered. "Rock! Rock... and Trey... I think..."

Jessica turned back around and smiled. "Got it. Now, please rest."

Roy took the advice and shut his eyes. _They have to find her... Please find her..._


End file.
